Sugar & Cuddles

by The Wee Mammy Diaries

I swear I only survived the fourth trimester because I lived on sugar and cuddles.

Not everyone recognises the fourth trimester as a real thing, but from what I’ve experienced it sure is. It’s not easy to admit that I found the first three months of motherhood hard, or that I didn’t particularly enjoy them but unfortunately that’s the truth.

I had a pretty traumatic birth that went on for three days, then I was handed a baby to care for while my husband got to go home and sleep. I was numb from the waist down and shattered but there I was at 3am with my newborn on a ward, left to it.

I’m not saying I didn’t fall head over heels in love with my son, I did. Was it instant? No. For me it was when I was on the recovery ward and had the space and time to fall in love with my baby. What I am saying is that motherhood, for me, started off on an uphill climb.

My first three weeks of motherhood were a blur of tears, his and mine, nappies, battling with the breast and the most horrific, engulfing tiredness.

When we finally got to a point where I knew him, his cries, his ways and how to handle him, Colic hit. We were lucky enough to have some help from family who advised us on remedies but even then they were no miracle cure.

It did however pass, eventually, and we began to enjoy our evenings with our wee boy. What didn’t pass was my resentment with my husband.

That took a little longer.

I resented that he wasn’t suffering like I was from the birth, that he could go to work and escape, that he got time without baby even if that time was spent cooking and cleaning. But most of all I resented his complete inability to see exactly how I was feeling, to know exactly what I needed to hear, to know exactly what needed to be done. I wasn’t looking for a husband, I was looking for a mind reader.

The fourth trimester nearly broke us, could have broken us but we wouldn’t let it. We just fought and cried, well I did, and took each day as it came.

Reading this it would appear as though those first 3 months were horrific and that my poor son was not the best thing to ever happen to me. He was, is and always will be the best thing that ever happened to me. It was his smiles, giggles and cuddles that got me through.

I was able to hold him and cry, laugh, eat, drink and sleep, which gave me plenty of time to fall madly in love with him. Some days, if it hadn’t been for him finding his way into his favourite spot under my chin, I don’t know what I would have done. His cuddles got me through.

As for the sugar, well I ate and drank more sugar in those three months than I had thought possible. During my pregnancy I went up one dress size, which two weeks after the birth I was down back to. At the end of the fourth trimester in week 14 I was nearly 3 sizes bigger. But I don’t care! I did what I had to do to get me through, and it worked!

I’m here on the other side ready to reclaim me, reclaim my old reading habits that saw me lose 3 stone, reclaim my social life with friends and family, reclaim my relationship with my husband and all while knowing that if I can survive the fourth trimester on sugar and cuddles then I can do anything!

Published by The Wee Mammy Diaries

After having my first baby I found my life has changed beyond all recognition. When baby was three months old I started to blog about my experiences, feelings and opinions. Follow as I navigate my way through life as a mammy, wife and teacher.

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